"They love you, they hate you, they're hot, they're cold, they're high, they're low...they're up, they're down. Its really fun making this list with you." - Runaway Bride quote. One of my all time favorite movies. This dialog between two men explains me so well its scary. It is loaded with the description of my emotions on a daily basis as well as sarcasm. Me? Sarcastic? Okay, I'll stop.
I'll be honest, I've deleted my Facebook account...um....a million times, and I've changed my Instagram name probably fifty times. Its not that I can't commit. Its more like I'm figuring out what I want, and when I figure it out....BAM! It sticks baby.
And just like that I segue into my topic for this post. I think I am starting to figure this new me out. Here is what I've been battling. Before marriage I some what knew who I was. Well, as much as a young girl without any curves whatsoever living on the brink of car phone discovery could. (Oh my word, weren't they huge?!) I was a singer, I liked other people's little babies, I loved my friends, I loved attending church, and my idea of fun was a youth lock-in(help us all). Then I grew up, got a job and got married. Things did change but not by a ton. Yes, I was in a new city, with a new job, living in a new home and um, who are you in my bed?....oh yah, I had a husband. But I still sang, I still loved going to church, I made some amazing friendships, babies were still so sweet and I could still stay up all night...on a Friday...if there was nothing on Saturday. Here's were it gets rowdy ya'll!!!!
I BECAME A MOMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having one ninja threw me for a loop, having another of course made me a bit loopier, but a third ninja...????(and by ninja, I mean a human...for you who are very literal)....hello, what was I doing? I forgot because this third one took any brain I had left right out of me.
When we leave the house, I look like we are about to have a wonderful weekend vacation. But we aren't. We are just going to dinner at my Mom's for like, three hours!!! I don't sing, okay I do, but it isn't at church or for Sony records. Its to these little people in my home. And two thirds of them still don't understand the words. I hardly ever get to go to church. Oh sure, we attempt at going, but more times than not, one of these ninjas needs me and we end up having church in the lobby where I fight staying awake and wonder why I even get up twenty hours earlier than normal to get us all here?
I have no best friends. None, nada, zilch. My husband now fills this role, and he does amazingly well. Until I tell him about a new bag I ordered online and fails at getting excited in ANY way....men. Also, I don't like babies. I like my babies, but no ma'am I'm sorry, I don't want to hear about or hold yours. I've had my fill thank you. Yes, those little shoes are adorable but please don't expect me to put them on your child. I know, its awful. I'm not hating on babies, but I just don't desire to hold every one I see like I use to. I still have two of my own. And whatever, you get the idea...oh I stay up all night, but its not at a youth lock-in,
All of this to say, I've had some serious moments of melting down lately. I know I'm not the only mom in the world who yells at the freshly, clean dish rag for falling on the floor after she has just cleaned the kitchen, the kids and crap on her shirt from cooking the dinner that messed up the kitchen and the kids (can just one thing stay clean?). I'm not the only momma who yells "NO!" to the innocent question from her child as he sweetly asks if he can have something sweet right as she sits down from being on her feet for 4.5 hours. And then has to calmly explain "Sweetie, not right now, just give Momma five minutes and then I'll get you something". Right? I'm not the only one.....
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Just wait, it gets better. Verse 9, "who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began." I get it!! God didn't make me who I am today because of my own abilities, but because of His purpose, His will.
I may or may not have been full on ugly crying when I read this during a "who am I" meltdown. So gently these words flooded my spirit...my whole being. I am a momma, a wife. The most important jobs I will ever have. Yes, I will have bad days, but okay, they'll pass. I get to sing to these sweet little things who in the right light, favor me just a little. I get to hear the oldest ninja say, "momma, I love it when you sing that song", or feel ninja no.2 rest his head on my chest and attempt to finish the song he thinks he knows, or watch the crocodile tears from the youngest stop when I start singing to help soothe him...me, I get to do that.
I may not have close friends right now like I have had in the past, but that's okay. I'm learning about what type of friendships will add to my life and be "iron sharpening iron". Hello, I get to stay up and have coffee with the most handsome man in the world who has been known a time or two to make me laugh so hard I wet my pants. God gave him to me when I truly believed I'd never marry. He has been my very best friend for 12 years, and will forever be my true BFF.
I may not want to hold your babies, but I feel for you as a mom. I hurt for you when you hurt and I'll pray for you when asked. Your kids may not be as cute as mine, but I get how precious they are to you. And church? My pastor is pretty awesome. He'll be there in a few years and I'll get to be involved in serving there when the time is right, but not now.
I know, that I don't know everything but that God has promised to be my everything, and that what I am doing right now He called me to before time began. This is so much bigger than "me".....its all about Him. And it always will be. The Alpha and Omega. So many scriptures come to mind right now. Too many to type. Be who you are in Christ. You may not be a mom, but you are some one to some body. Thrive in that role as you allow God to breathe His word into you in moments of joy and moments of utter doubt. I hope in some way these scriptures run through your veins and comfort you like then have for me.
With all my love,
Misti
I'll be honest, I've deleted my Facebook account...um....a million times, and I've changed my Instagram name probably fifty times. Its not that I can't commit. Its more like I'm figuring out what I want, and when I figure it out....BAM! It sticks baby.
And just like that I segue into my topic for this post. I think I am starting to figure this new me out. Here is what I've been battling. Before marriage I some what knew who I was. Well, as much as a young girl without any curves whatsoever living on the brink of car phone discovery could. (Oh my word, weren't they huge?!) I was a singer, I liked other people's little babies, I loved my friends, I loved attending church, and my idea of fun was a youth lock-in(help us all). Then I grew up, got a job and got married. Things did change but not by a ton. Yes, I was in a new city, with a new job, living in a new home and um, who are you in my bed?....oh yah, I had a husband. But I still sang, I still loved going to church, I made some amazing friendships, babies were still so sweet and I could still stay up all night...on a Friday...if there was nothing on Saturday. Here's were it gets rowdy ya'll!!!!
I BECAME A MOMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having one ninja threw me for a loop, having another of course made me a bit loopier, but a third ninja...????(and by ninja, I mean a human...for you who are very literal)....hello, what was I doing? I forgot because this third one took any brain I had left right out of me.
When we leave the house, I look like we are about to have a wonderful weekend vacation. But we aren't. We are just going to dinner at my Mom's for like, three hours!!! I don't sing, okay I do, but it isn't at church or for Sony records. Its to these little people in my home. And two thirds of them still don't understand the words. I hardly ever get to go to church. Oh sure, we attempt at going, but more times than not, one of these ninjas needs me and we end up having church in the lobby where I fight staying awake and wonder why I even get up twenty hours earlier than normal to get us all here?
I have no best friends. None, nada, zilch. My husband now fills this role, and he does amazingly well. Until I tell him about a new bag I ordered online and fails at getting excited in ANY way....men. Also, I don't like babies. I like my babies, but no ma'am I'm sorry, I don't want to hear about or hold yours. I've had my fill thank you. Yes, those little shoes are adorable but please don't expect me to put them on your child. I know, its awful. I'm not hating on babies, but I just don't desire to hold every one I see like I use to. I still have two of my own. And whatever, you get the idea...oh I stay up all night, but its not at a youth lock-in,
All of this to say, I've had some serious moments of melting down lately. I know I'm not the only mom in the world who yells at the freshly, clean dish rag for falling on the floor after she has just cleaned the kitchen, the kids and crap on her shirt from cooking the dinner that messed up the kitchen and the kids (can just one thing stay clean?). I'm not the only momma who yells "NO!" to the innocent question from her child as he sweetly asks if he can have something sweet right as she sits down from being on her feet for 4.5 hours. And then has to calmly explain "Sweetie, not right now, just give Momma five minutes and then I'll get you something". Right? I'm not the only one.....
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Just wait, it gets better. Verse 9, "who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began." I get it!! God didn't make me who I am today because of my own abilities, but because of His purpose, His will.
I may or may not have been full on ugly crying when I read this during a "who am I" meltdown. So gently these words flooded my spirit...my whole being. I am a momma, a wife. The most important jobs I will ever have. Yes, I will have bad days, but okay, they'll pass. I get to sing to these sweet little things who in the right light, favor me just a little. I get to hear the oldest ninja say, "momma, I love it when you sing that song", or feel ninja no.2 rest his head on my chest and attempt to finish the song he thinks he knows, or watch the crocodile tears from the youngest stop when I start singing to help soothe him...me, I get to do that.
I may not have close friends right now like I have had in the past, but that's okay. I'm learning about what type of friendships will add to my life and be "iron sharpening iron". Hello, I get to stay up and have coffee with the most handsome man in the world who has been known a time or two to make me laugh so hard I wet my pants. God gave him to me when I truly believed I'd never marry. He has been my very best friend for 12 years, and will forever be my true BFF.
I may not want to hold your babies, but I feel for you as a mom. I hurt for you when you hurt and I'll pray for you when asked. Your kids may not be as cute as mine, but I get how precious they are to you. And church? My pastor is pretty awesome. He'll be there in a few years and I'll get to be involved in serving there when the time is right, but not now.
I know, that I don't know everything but that God has promised to be my everything, and that what I am doing right now He called me to before time began. This is so much bigger than "me".....its all about Him. And it always will be. The Alpha and Omega. So many scriptures come to mind right now. Too many to type. Be who you are in Christ. You may not be a mom, but you are some one to some body. Thrive in that role as you allow God to breathe His word into you in moments of joy and moments of utter doubt. I hope in some way these scriptures run through your veins and comfort you like then have for me.
With all my love,
Misti
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