I've had this revelation and its about knocked me out of my treehouse. Here it is...you ready? I have been living my life for others thinking I was living it for God. What?! Have any of you done this? I must be the only one.
Yes, I spent most of my adolescent years trying to please people. And it carried on into my teenage years, and then my college years. Wait, I didn't go to college, but I worked at one. So those years. And then it has trickled into my adult, wife, mommy years. It's not been pretty, and gratefully, I married a man that knew me better than I knew myself. But more importantly, he listened to God and asked me to be his and have his ninjas.
The more I learn about who I truly am, the more I like myself. The less about life I take seriously, the more fun I have. And I'm not talking morals here people. I'm talking about scheduling out a day and it going nothing like I had planned. It use to ruin me. But now, its like.....ahhh, that's better.
I've learned that I need to love everyone, but being their friend is not mandatory. I've learned that I do not have to be noticed. This one is a hard one to admit. But we live in a society where even if you are out of high school, your popularity is determined by how many "likes" or "followers" you get. I'm learning that not everybody will like me. This one isn't easy to handle either since I'm a recovering People Pleaser.
I am still learning that trusting God is the only way to fully live. The things I told myself I would never do...like, get married (I was dead serious about this one because I had just called off my wedding to a different man, and it about broke me.), marry a Bodker (y'all they're, I mean we're crazy), drive a mini van (ew, what is that?), and have three kids (Lord Jesus, help me)...I have successfully done. And my life is amazing. Hard beyond belief at times. But amazing, and fits me like a glove. And every day, every day, I must pray before the crazy begins and seek the Holy Spirit for wisdom. It's helping me be a better wife, mom, and person.
My battles are not just with ninjas refusing to eat, mind, potty train (come soon Sweet Jesus) or play nice, but against my self worth as well. I must memorize more scripture and keep them ready to throw at this pitiful lion that wants to destroy me. And not just memorize them, but believe them and live them...casting down every thought that doesn't line up with them. Psalms 139:13-14, Jeremiah 29:11 and Luke 12:7 are only a drop in the bucket of how much scripture there is to knock Satan right on his caboose when the lies start coming.
I'm definitely not where I want to be in all of this. I have more growing and learning to do. However, I feel inspired, courageous and confident in the changes God is helping me with. There was a fine line between prideful and confident in my upbringing in the church, and unfortunately I couldn't see the difference. In my fear of becoming prideful, I left my confidence at the back door as well. And with every bump along life's journey, it got further and further away from me. The Cajun has taught me how awesome God has made us, yet that none of us is better than the other. (I guess I'll keep him.) So... if you see me dressed like a hippy without makeup, in a van down by the river, be nice and don't take too many pictures. I'm still trying to learn about the real "me" and who I am in Christ.
Misti
Yes, I spent most of my adolescent years trying to please people. And it carried on into my teenage years, and then my college years. Wait, I didn't go to college, but I worked at one. So those years. And then it has trickled into my adult, wife, mommy years. It's not been pretty, and gratefully, I married a man that knew me better than I knew myself. But more importantly, he listened to God and asked me to be his and have his ninjas.
The more I learn about who I truly am, the more I like myself. The less about life I take seriously, the more fun I have. And I'm not talking morals here people. I'm talking about scheduling out a day and it going nothing like I had planned. It use to ruin me. But now, its like.....ahhh, that's better.
I've learned that I need to love everyone, but being their friend is not mandatory. I've learned that I do not have to be noticed. This one is a hard one to admit. But we live in a society where even if you are out of high school, your popularity is determined by how many "likes" or "followers" you get. I'm learning that not everybody will like me. This one isn't easy to handle either since I'm a recovering People Pleaser.
I am still learning that trusting God is the only way to fully live. The things I told myself I would never do...like, get married (I was dead serious about this one because I had just called off my wedding to a different man, and it about broke me.), marry a Bodker (y'all they're, I mean we're crazy), drive a mini van (ew, what is that?), and have three kids (Lord Jesus, help me)...I have successfully done. And my life is amazing. Hard beyond belief at times. But amazing, and fits me like a glove. And every day, every day, I must pray before the crazy begins and seek the Holy Spirit for wisdom. It's helping me be a better wife, mom, and person.
My battles are not just with ninjas refusing to eat, mind, potty train (come soon Sweet Jesus) or play nice, but against my self worth as well. I must memorize more scripture and keep them ready to throw at this pitiful lion that wants to destroy me. And not just memorize them, but believe them and live them...casting down every thought that doesn't line up with them. Psalms 139:13-14, Jeremiah 29:11 and Luke 12:7 are only a drop in the bucket of how much scripture there is to knock Satan right on his caboose when the lies start coming.
I'm definitely not where I want to be in all of this. I have more growing and learning to do. However, I feel inspired, courageous and confident in the changes God is helping me with. There was a fine line between prideful and confident in my upbringing in the church, and unfortunately I couldn't see the difference. In my fear of becoming prideful, I left my confidence at the back door as well. And with every bump along life's journey, it got further and further away from me. The Cajun has taught me how awesome God has made us, yet that none of us is better than the other. (I guess I'll keep him.) So... if you see me dressed like a hippy without makeup, in a van down by the river, be nice and don't take too many pictures. I'm still trying to learn about the real "me" and who I am in Christ.
Misti
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